making a comeback?

Not sure anyone still reads this, but I found my bookmark to this website while finding yet another reason to not work on my thesis. And after reading my post about maturity, it seems like I’ve grown in some ways, yet still stagnant in others.

On gaming, near the end of HoN beta, I started to not have a strong desire to play games any longer and at this point, I think I’m pretty much over it. I think I’d still enjoy playing games, but no longer do I feel a need to incorporate it into my daily lifestyle.

But on maturity, from writing this entry at nearly 4am in the morning, clearly discipline is still quite lacking. Early to bed and rise? Not really happening. In fact, my sleep pattern these past 6 months or so have been worse than ever — though I justify it by needing equipment in lab and not clashing with other people’s schedules, and that no time is actually lost or gained. I’m not sure that I can even consider it better for me to be an early person, as I had tried it a couple weeks ago and I’m still pretty useless in the mornings and that my useful juices don’t start running till night-time and past midnight. Either way, this is something that will need to change in the future, as society functions during the day, not so much at night.

So what is the key for changing a lifestyle? Where does the source of radical action stem from?

As I was frustrated with myself today for failing still to complete a decent draft to show my professor and my dad, I couldn’t help but feel that I really need a jolt of discipline in my life that comes from suffering harsher conditions that put my life into perspective. Though I didn’t grow up with butlers and maids catering to my clothes and meals, there’s no doubt that I’ve enjoyed a privileged lifestyle with minimal concern about how I’d eat my next meal or if I could pay the rent this month. But with my step into the real world looming just months ahead, I really can’t carry this lack of discipline ahead with me. While I can perform excellently given the right task and direction, some things, as exampled by this thesis, just can’t be completed by my own motivation — not due to lack of ability, but just failing to harness the desire to complete it into action. Instead it just turns into time wasting on the internet and yet another day goes by.

Prolonging this entry will only take up more precious time, so I’ll cut it here for now, but perhaps I do need more honest reflection since very little has changed in 3 years